Home Fun 444 FUNNY QUOTES FROM THE WORLD’S FUNNIEST PEOPLE :)

444 FUNNY QUOTES FROM THE WORLD’S FUNNIEST PEOPLE :)

THE BEST AND FUNNIEST QUOTES EVER

This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last. Oscar Wilde

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. Mark Twain

If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success? Jerry Seinfeld

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile. Billy Sunday

Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright. Laurell K. Hamilton

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. Mark Twain

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. Lily Tomlin

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. Winston S. Churchill

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye. Cathy Guisewite

It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste. Click to tweet

Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off. Bill Murray

Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke. Will Rogers

I have always noticed that people will never laugh at anything that is not based on truth. Will Rogers

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it. Rodney Dangerfield

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. Rodney Dangerfield

That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. George Carlin

If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out. Lawrence Ferlinghetti

A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it. George Bernard Shaw

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. Fred Allen

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments. Steven Wright Click to tweet

The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so. Gore Vidal

My esteem in this country has gone up substantially. It is very nice now that when people wave at me, they use all their fingers. Jimmy Carter (US president 1977 to 1981)

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. Albert Einstein

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not. Mark Twain

Don’t be so humble – you are not that great. Golda Meir (This is one of my favorite quote. Leave a reply here and let me know what’s yours!)

TOP 3 FUNNY QUOTES WITH IMAGES

funny quotes i intend to live forever so far so good steven wright wisdom quotes

I intend to live forever. So far, so good. Steven Wright Click to tweet

funny quotes i like rice rice is great when youre hungry and you want 2000 of something mitch hedberg wisdom quotes

I like rice. Rice is great when you’re hungry and you want 2000 of something. Mitch Hedberg Click to tweet

funny quotes the best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice cream bill murray wisdom quotes

The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice cream. Bill Murray Click to tweet

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